Overcoming Grief, Spiritually

On August 4, 2016, our cat Dollar passed away. He had been having seizures about every hour for the last 12 hours. The Veterinarian recommended with his age (he was 16) that he be put down. There was something wrong with Dollar’s brain because when he was laying there, his eyes were unresponsive and he just slowly growled. It was disheartening to see our sweet cat mentally gone before we could say goodbye. We still said our goodbyes in hopes that some part of him could hear us and understood how thankful we were to have had him in our lives. Dr. Wentworth came in, gave her condolences and injected him. He stopped growling and she listened for his heart and said, “He’s gone.” Those words were so rueful. I was not prepared for this! I had just lost my dog, Buddy 2 weeks prior. I was barely functional, getting though each day by just going through the motions. This had gone on for a whole week until I noticed on social media that there was a meteor shower on August 11-12, 2016 (Perseids Meteor Shower).

On the night of August 11th around 11:00 PM I went outside to watch the meteor shower, because I needed something to distract me from my grief. I grabbed 2 beach towels and headed out towards the pool by the chaise lounges. I laid one towel on the chaise and used the other as a blanket, since I was in my nightgown. I stared at the sky for a while and did not notice any meteors, so I did some research on my phone.

From my research I discovered that I needed to be facing North-East. I proceeded to download a free compass application on my phone and found NE. I pinpointed the location, and moved my chaise in the correct direction and started to stare at the sky again. I briefly looked to my left and what I saw was staggering; at the corner of my rooftop was a silhouette of cat that looked just like Dollar. I immediately began to cry because I had been asking Dollar all week to send me a sign that he was okay. My tears turned into weeping, and then into tears of joy and comfort. The emotional whirlwind that occurred was uncanny.

Cat Silouette
Cat Silhouette

When my emotions finally reached the point of acceptance, I saw a red-orange streak across the sky. My first meteor sighting of the night! This ensues full blown, throat clenching sobbing. I have a GREAT cry, like a full body healing cry, and then I laid back to search the sky for more meteors. I spoke to Dollar as if in prayer, because I said the words in my head. I said to him, “Dollar, I love you. Thank you for all the love you gave me. I will never forget you. I will forever be grateful to have had you in my life.”

Over the next 30 minutes, I spent my time watching the dark figure of the cat and sky. I embraced the moment, sat still and just enjoyed the comfort of this wonderful gift I had received. It was the peaceful, last evening I needed to have with Dollar. Much different from the evening I had on August 3rd where I spent all night comforting him through repeated seizures. The comfort I felt sitting under the stars watching the sky with this cat was the exact comfort Dollar had provided me his whole life. The night had begun to get colder, but I felt only warmth. It was as if my soul had received a big hug.

Around 12:00 AM on August 12, 2016, I looked away from the cat to look at the sky for more meteors. When I looked back to my left the cat was gone. I stayed outside for another 15 minutes to try and catch another glimpse of a meteor, but I never did see another one that night.

Cat Collage

Dollar Kershner 2000-2016

 

 

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